My Weight Loss Journey

Hi, my name is Éabha and I thought I would start a blog to document my weight loss journey. I am 23 years old and like most young women I have the same self-images that come with today’s society. This is more for me, kind of like a diary, but I hope that I can help and encourage others. 

My journey is has not been an easy one. I started to gain weight in school, around 3rd/4th year. I used to be very sporty, training nearly everyday, sometimes twice a day. I went from being very active to plonking myself in front of the TV. Added to that I started eating 4/5 bars of chocolate a day. Not to mention pizzas and take-away at the weekend. I was unhappy with my life. I did not have many friends in school. Making friends was a difficult thing for me. When most people my age were out at the cinema on a Friday evening, I was at home eating and watching TV. I thought this was going to be my future. 

During 5th/6th year my life began to change. I began to make friends in school and I started to go out with these friends at weekends. The only problem was my bad habits had already cemented themselves in my life. So while I sorted out the social aspect of my life, I still gained weight. Every weekend we went out and I always dreaded having to decide what to wear. I wore jeans and baggy tops. Anyone who has been overweight can probably relate to this. I was jealous of the girls wearing pretty dresses. Every night in the night club I would make a vow to start a diet the next day. Of course that never happened. All my friends looked stunning and loved going out and chatting to boys. I used the excuse of just loving being with the girls to avoid the boy issue. The truth was I was too insecure to go near a guy and I believed I guy would never want me as I was too fat. 

Then came the dreaded leaving cert and along with it my heaviest weight. I peaked the scales at 15 stone. I started to get stretch marks on my stomach, big horrible purple ones. I remember being terrified of them as I did not know what they were. I had to google to find out what they were. Needless to say I was mortified when I found out the truth. 

My debs was looming and I was dreading having to go dress shopping. I did not believe that any shop would have a dress that would fit me so I looked into having a dress made. It cost a fortune but I thought it was my only choice. I wanted to look good on the night so I started an exercise regime. I started going for walks with my friend. A big achievement was that I started going swimming. This was a huge deal for me as anyone who has been overweight will know the fear of wearing a swimming suit! This all may sound like I'm making positive changes but my diet was still the same. Also being honest the exercise was not intense and certainly not intense enough to lose weight.

Debs came and went. I started college being the fattest in the class. I hated going shopping. I wore the same clothes all the time (well the same type of clothes!). 

I then went through the stage of crash diets. I even tried celebrity slim. Let’s just say that was a big mistake both financially and health wise. Of course it was never going to work, I was eating chemicals!

It got worse than Celebrity Slim. I went to the doctor and asked him to put me on glucophage tablets. I had heard that they can help you lose weight. They are primarily a diabetes tablet and certainly not an approved weight loss tablet. I was shocked that the doctor agreed to prescribe them to me. I lost half a stone on them. Was it worth it? Yes and no. I lost my first half a stone on them. However I felt weak. I felt dizzy. I even fainted while out for a walk with a friend. Granted it was a longer walk than normal but still. I was so embarrassed. She offered to bring me home but I already felt bad about what had happened that I walked home myself. Needless to say I came off them there and then. Never again!

While I did not hate my life, I was not completely happy. Proper change needed to happen but for some reason I could not make myself do this. Yet another shopping trip came with being frustrated and in near tears. I remember coming home from the shopping centre, stopping off at the shop for junk and thinking to myself I need to do something. I thought of joining weight watchers (WW). You are probably not going to believe what happened next but I went to work that night and a colleague said she joined WW last week and that I should come with her. Most people may take offense at being asked to join a weight loss class but for me it was such a huge relief. It was what I needed to gain control of my life back.

So that Wednesday down I went. I was terrified as I thought I would be weighed in, in front of everyone. Of course that is not how it works and to make matters even better the leader could not have been nicer. She understood that I was a young student and that I still had a life to live. She told me to focus on my weight loss over a four week period rather than on a week to week basis.

Joining WW was the best decision I ever made. It changed my life. I started to become more confident in myself. I could finally wear dresses and nice clothes. I LOVED going shopping now. People were paying me compliments and it felt great. I started to be more confident around boys. I was gaining my life back. I was doing really well in college. I had a great group of friends.

For a person trying to lose weight, the worse happened. I hit the dreaded plateau. My lowest was 11st 9.5lbs. I started to gain and lose the same few lbs over and over again. I was always around 11st 11lbs. I made the decision to stop going to WW. It was a waste of money as I was not losing any more. Later you will find out why this was a big mistake. I stayed in and around this weight reaching about 12st 2lbs at one point.

I was going on holidays with college friends. This meant bikinis! I wanted to lose the rest of the weight but the scales would not move. I was exercising rigorously doing work out DVDs at least once a day, sometimes twice or three times. I was losing inches. On one count I had lost 16 inches in about eight weeks. I was confident enough to wear a bikini well at least the top part. I still wore shorts on bottom as I wasn’t confident with my bum. This was a huge achievement for me as I never thought I would get to this point. Not only did I get to wear a bikini, I also wore shorts for the first time since I gained the weight and I wore dresses without tights. This was a big deal for me as I never wore a dress without tights. In case you haven’t guessed it yet, my legs are my worse feature. I would have what I describe tree trunk thighs full of cellulite. I remember that first night on holidays. I was so scared leaving my room with no tights. The girls were so encouraging but I still had to face the lads. I walked into the room and of course no-one even looked at me or cared. I mean they did not give my legs a second thought, not that they did not care about me! That was what I needed to just relax and enjoy my holiday.

So where did it all go wrong?

I came home from holidays and the first thing I did was head straight to the shop and I brought a box of Pringles, a big bag of Malteasers and Minstrels. I came home and binged. Why? I think it was because I felt I had deprived myself prior to the holiday. This was my post holiday treat. The funny thing is I had eaten badly while on holiday. Not to mention the alcohol. All of this and I only gained HALF A POUND after my holiday. Why I felt the need for that post-holiday binge I will never know.

Of course one binge led to another and another and another. I slowly started to put the weight back on. Actually that is a lie. I quickly put the weight back on. I became uncomfortable in my clothes. I went to London a few weeks after my sun holiday and I look back at those photos and cringe. A dress I wore on my sun holiday only a few weeks earlier looked terrible on me. It didn’t fit me anymore. I did not wear tights in London but I should have. My legs looked awful even though they looked fine when I was on holidays. I was disgusted with myself. Did I make a change? Of course not. I continued to sabotage my hard work. I felt ashamed of my weight. All my gorgeous clothes I had bought no longer fitted. I went back to wearing the same clothes all the time. Yet I was still binging.

I was eating pizza, McDonalds, share size bags of Malteasers, Minstrels and Haribo. I was gorging on 4 Mars bars and 4 cup cakes. This could all be within one sitting. I was literally a pig.

I remember vaguely discussing my weight gain with my Mum and my younger brother and I asked them did it look like I had gained weight. Their answer was yes. I was not sure what I expected them to answer but it still hurt. They were not being mean but honest. They know about my weight struggles and are really supportive of me losing it. However their answer still did not make me stop eating. All this time I was still attempting to follow WW. It could go one perfect week followed by one bad week. Or a perfect day followed by a bad evening. Either was I was doing it half arsed and not going anywhere.

Before I started college, I turned to a friend and said I will lose the weight before I start. I now found myself saying that I will lose the weight before I start work. I bought loads of clothes for starting work. As I write this, I still have not worn some of those gorgeous clothes as they do not fit. I am short on work clothes as only some of them fit comfortably. I feel like I am wearing the same clothes over and over. I am longing for the day that I can wear them all proudly.

Christmas 2012 was coming up, nearly 2 and half years after I joined WW for the first time. I had attempted to do WW at home but to no avail. Ironically the reason I said I would not rejoin was because of the money but yet I was spending a fortune on junk food. Two weeks before Christmas I made the decision to rejoin. You must think I was mad but it made sense in my head. If I started now I could control myself over the holidays. My first Christmas doing WW, in 2010, I lost 5lbs at the first WI back after Christmas. I wanted to repeat that. Of course things never go to plan and instead I gained 3.5lbs. Not too bad considering. One cause of this was alcohol. I was out a lot and I was then having hung-over binges. I needed to limit the alcohol intake.

Turns out that was the least of my worries. I could not get back into WW mode after Christmas. I was bingeing again. Miraculously I still lost. It was small losses but over 4 weeks I regularly lost weight. Then came a particularly bad binge week which was so bad I decided I could not face my WI. I put it behind me and I went on to have a perfect week. I started exercising again and I was tracking and pointing. I am not sure what I was expecting at the next WI, perhaps a stay the same, but I gained one and a half pounds. I felt embarrassed, upset and just really down. I had had a perfect week and this was the result? It didn’t make sense to me. Of course, though, it was the right result. It was the weeks of bingeing catching up with me. It is exactly what I deserved. It was also the wake-up call I needed. Or so I thought. That evening after my WI I binged. The next day I binged. Thursday came and the same thing. Friday I was still bingeing. I was a mess.

I was not happy with my leader. While she was lovely and very motivating, her meetings were not the best. She tends to go ramble on about irrelevant stuff and always rushed the important things. I was recommended another leader and I made the decision to switch. When I switched, I also rejoined with a brand new card. When I had rejoined before, I used my old card and as a result my starting weight was my original weight. This was very annoying and de-motivating when it came to setting goals. With a new leader and a fresh card, I felt like I was heading in the right direction. I love my new leader. Her meetings are really informative and I always leave in a great mood. She mentioned in one meeting about people being stuck in a rut. She talked about how you could attend a meeting for months and either lose slowly, stay the same or yoyo. She said there was nothing wrong with this as it is better than gaining. Eventually one day the switch will go on in your head. This happened to me last Saturday. I realised the reason I was struggling was because I was depressed about my weight gain. I was letting it control my life. I was stressed about going out and what I would wear that I would end up not going out. Instead I would stay at home and binge. I realised that I have to accept that I have regained the weight. I need to find clothes that fit me properly. I need to take it each week at a time. I have to forget about trying to lose the weight for certain events as it is unrealistic and it is only causing me to fall off track.

My good intentions ended up getting derailed today after a visit to the doctors. However my reaction to it was completely different to what it could have been last week. Yes I slipped up. I did not get depressed over it. Instead I went a made a gorgeous homemade soup and I went to the shop to get supplies for the rest of the week. I have my third WI on Thursday since rejoining. So far I am down 2lbs. 2lbs in two WIs is not bad. I would like to have lost more but after Paddy’s weekend I will take it. This week I have not decided if I am going to WI due to the antibiotics. I will still go to my meeting though. My leader mentioned last week that if we do not feel in a good place to WI then we should still go to the meeting. It does not cost anything and it will help you get in the right frame of mind. I feel this is important as if you do not go to a meeting it can lead to a second bad week.

I am feeling much more positive. I know I can do this if I take it slowly. Here is to 2013 and the year of finally getting the weight off!