Sometimes all we need is a little push.....Part 2

Yesterday I promised I would post tips on how to get motivated. These are tips that I have picked up through out my time in WW and from other sources on the internet.

The first one is a good starting point. Set mini-goals. These are a vital key for your weight loss journey. Weight loss goals include silver sevens, stones, 5% and 10%, drop into a lower BMI category and a drop into a new stone bracket. Do not forget other goals such as exercise goals and clothes goals. The satisfaction you feel when you get to cross off those goals will spur you on. If you have a competitive streak in you then go into competition with yourself. Dare yourself to reach those goals. Some people may prefer to have deadlines for these goals while others prefer to achieve them at their own pace. Do what you feel comfortable doing. Make sure your goals are realistic and your deadlines are reasonable. By putting yourself under pressure you are setting yourself up for failure.

Remember to celebrate the small victories. Half a pound is better than a stay the same or a gain. Being able to zip up your old jeans is an amazing achievement. Running around with your children and not being out of breath is something you should be proud of. Reward yourself with non-food treats. Let go of the fat person inside of you and embrace the new skinny to be you.

A little trick I learned from my leader was to write, on my tracker, all my treats in red pen. This highlights the amount of treats you are eating and it is easier for you to see exactly how many points you are using on
treats. You should always plan your three main meals first. Make good hearty meals with foods that will keep you fuller for longer. Then once you have done that, you can see how many points you have left and you can allow for treats.

Photos are a great motivator. I recently did up a collage of photos with pre weight loss pictures, pictures

from when I lost the weight and pictures since I put the weight back on. I am gutted at how I look now. I had done so well but it does show me that I did it once, I can do it again. That collage is now my background picture on my laptop so I can see it all the time.

Another trick I learned from my leader was to set up a few alarms on your phone. You set them up for times that the cravings tend to kick in. You can name them whatever you like. She suggested naming them after her so it is like she is calling you to remind you to be good. I have on mine 200lbs and heavier since January. This is to remind me that I am now in the 200lbs and if I keep going I was be reaching the 300lbs.

Do not be afraid to get lost in your thoughts. A tip for newcomers or even the old hands at WW, write down your feelings that first day you join WW. Stick it somewhere that you can see. Think about how you feel/felt at your heaviest. Were you happy? Think about how you feel/felt at your lowest weight. Keep focusing on that

feeling. Write down your thoughts so you can refer back to them when you are struggling again. Think about what it would be like to be at goal weight, to wear nice clothes or to have the confidence to walk tall. Visualise yourself in your dream body. How does that make you feel? I know it gives me jitters. My leader said before that we can be that hot girl we are always envious of, if we want it bad enough.

Changing things up is so important. The weight loss journey is a long one and you need to make sure you do not get bored. Make sure you are regularly changing your meals around and not eating the same foods all the time. If you are eating the same things all the time then you are more likely to give up. The internet is your best friend. You can Google recipes. They do not necessarily have to be low fat as you can adjust them yourself to make them WW friendly. The same applies to exercise. You will eventually get bored of the exercise you do. One way to keep your exercise fresh is to try out classes with friends or go for a run/walk with your friends. You will not get bored and they can help motivate you as well.

Tomorrow's post will conclude with more advice and tips for helping you through your journey.

Sometimes all we need is a little push.....Part 1

Weight loss is not an easy journey. There are good days and bad days. There are going to be days where you feel like giving up. I am a follower of the Weight Watchers thread on boards.ie. I noticed over the last week or so that a few members have been lacking motivation or are struggling after weight gains. As an experienced WW struggler I thought would do a post on things that I have found helpful in the past. I have included my own tips and advice but I also have rounded up a load of information on the net.

The first thing you have to remember is that it is not a race. While it would be lovely to have the weight lost for the wedding in a few weeks, you have to realise that you most likely will not lose it by then. Yes you can do a crash diet and lose a stone but that stone will be back on straight after along with more. Weight loss is not for summer, it is for life. Think about how long it took you to put on the weight. It did not happen overnight. For me, I put it on over a three year period. The slower the weight comes off the better. It is more likely to stay off. By losing it the slow and healthy way, you are less likely to fall back into old habits when you reach goal. I stressed so much about losing the weight for my holiday last year that when I came home I rewarded myself for my hard work....with food. I gained back all the weight I lost and more. I was putting myself under the same pressure this year until I realised there will be other events after my holiday and I should look towards them.

If you have been struggling recently it is important to take it a day at a time. Do not be worrying about the end goal as it may seem so far away right now. As you may know, I have a tendency to binge eat. I would love to say I have cured that but I have not. Thursday and Friday of last week were terrible. However I did not let it get me down. Instead I focused on the positives from last Sunday. I went shopping and the cupcakes that I love were on special offer. Of course I picked them up and put them in the basket without even thinking about it. It was not until I was at the checkout that I realised that this is why I have gained weight while supposedly doing WW. I went and put them back on the shelf. Later that day a similar incident occurred. I was in the shop buying my bus ticket and I was so frustrated with how WW has been going, that I decided to write the day off, even

though I had been good up to then. I picked up a Mars bar and put it on the counter. While the clerk was getting my ticket, the WW angel in me, made me put the bar back. It is not an easy journey and you will have days like those. Willpower is the key. Easier said than done I know. You need to ask yourself do you really want that bar of chocolate. Can you have something smaller and within your points allowance? After the cupcake debacle I realised that they are 7pps each. Not bad considering they are a decent size cupcake. So, two cupcakes are 14pps. There are 4 in the packet so I two (because let’s face it who stops at one!) last night as a treat and gave the other two to my family. This is what I have to realise. I can have nice treats within points. I do not need any more than that. I may initially want more, but I have to learn to say no, everything in moderation. The problem is the days running up to Friday but I will take it a day at a time. I will make sure I am eating healthy, nutritious meals and not going hungry. If you are hungry and not eating substantial meals you will be more likely to reach for the cookie jar.

Do you have a tendency to overeat? Are you struggling? A great motivator is money. There are three financial factors that need to be considered; how much you spend on healthy food a month, how much you spend on junk food, and how much do you spend on WW meetings a month. When you tot this up, if your habits are like mine, you will be shocked at how much money you have wasted by not sticking to the plan. I

would find I spend so much money on being healthy but yet I am eating so much junk. I would sometimes end up throwing out the healthy food. Keep you receipts and keep note of how much you spend on food. Track your WW attendance. Are you skipping meetings for fear of the scales? If so that is another €5 down the drain. Are you like me and rejoining classes after every failed attempt? That is a waste of another €10. If someone who has not struggled with their weight was reading this, they would probably say quit, it is a waste of money and obviously is not working. Yes I have not been perfect since January and I have gained weight while supposedly doing WW. However I know that if I was not doing WW I would have put on so much more weight.

Tomorrow I am going to continue this post and include lots of tips on how to find the motivation you need to continue your weight loss journey.

Here We Go......Yet AGAIN

So I have a confession to make! Last week I rejoined WW for what must be the thousandth time. I know I must be a pain but it was something I felt like I needed to do. I went back to the meeting I went to when I originally lost the weight. Why did I not go back there initially? Because I was embarrassed. I should not have been as the leader could not have been more welcoming. She has always taken a keen interest in my weight loss and could not have done more for me when I hit a long plateau. It felt so good to be back and it was nice to see some old faces as well. I weighed in at 14st 4.5lbs which meant a whopping 5lb gain since the week previous. Anyway I am not stressing about that and for the first time in ages I look forward to WW. Tonight was my first WI and I  was down 2.5lbs. That was my target so I was delighted. I am now back out of the 200lbs and I am not going back. As you will read down further that really scared me. Next week I want to get out of the 14's so I am aiming for another 2.5lbs. A bit optimistic but I am going to try really hard. Last week, I went through a lot emotionally, and I know she probably is not reading this, but I could not have got through it without a very close friend. Anyway I actually wrote the following last week but  I just did not have the nerve to post it. I guess I was embarrassed about rejoining again but I am doing this blog for me and any others who may be in the same position as me, so here goes.

Since January, I have been like a broken record. I have restarted WW nearly every week. I keep saying it

has finally clicked yet it has not. Until tonight that is. Well I am hoping it has. Tonight I realised that I am nearly 24. I hated myself for letting my weight ruin my teens. I vowed I would not let it ruin my 20's. Yet here I am, hating life because I am fat. I was away in London at the weekend and it was a very emotional weekend away. I hated the photos from the trip. I look huge in all of them. I met an ex boyfriend (of all the people to bump into) whom I had not seen since I put back on the weight. None of my clothes fitted comfortably on me and I hated the sight of myself in the mirror. One of my friends made a comment about how she could not reach her shoes over her fat belly. This girl weighs 8.5 stone. I know this because she constantly moans about how fat she is at 8.5 stone.

Try being 14st 4.5 lbs. This is what I am. A whopping 14 stone 4.5 lbs. Why is tonight different from my other 'light bulb' moments? It might not be but I discovered a few things today. My size 18 work coat is starting to get tight. In the space of two weeks I have gained 7.5lbs :O Some of that is due to legitimate reasons but not all of it. I stepped on my scales at one point and it read 14st 9lbs. Holy crap, I was only 13st 8lbs just before Christmas. I am inching closer and closer to 15 stone. I have officially tipped into the 200 lbs. It is no longer a matter of I want to lose the weight, but now more that I HAVE TO.
I also realised that I have gained nearly a stone since January all the while supposedly doing Weight Watchers?? How does that happen. Besides the wasted money, it is wasted time. I have been faffing around with classes and leaders and I have decided once and for all to go back to my original leader. Yes I know you heard me right, I am rejoining Weight Watchers for what will be the third and LAST TIME in the space of 4 months. I think I need to do this. I now have 2 months free of major social events (other than usual Saturday nights!) so that will give me enough time to get settled into Weight Watchers. I did not have this the last two times. The first time I joined was two weeks before Christmas. The second time was the week before Paddy's weekend and then of course Easter. I know, excuses, excuses. I have something now that I did not have before, fear. I am terrified of the scales getting higher.

I had not intended on writing any of this. It does feel good to get it off my chest as I have been stressing about it since my meeting. The important thing is to forget the past on focus on the future. This time around I have set mini goals but I am not setting deadlines. I am taking it a week at a time and as long as the scales are down then I do not care. I am going to cross off each mini goal as I reach them, whenever that may be. I need to keep reminding myself, a lb a week is nearly 4 stone a year. So for what is the umpteenth time, here is to goal!

Why I Want to Lose Weight

Yesterday I was feeling exhausted.. I lost the motivation I had during the week. Tiredness is a binge trigger for me. Along with all those emotions, I was also feeling down about how I am running out of time to lose the weight before the summer. It was then that something clicked. This is how I was feeling this time last year. Holidays were coming up so I went on a strict WW and exercise regime. I got really stressed out about it. What happened when I got home from my holidays? I put all the weight back on. I felt I had deprived myself those few months prior.
I need to lose this weight, not for this holiday coming up, but for all the other holidays I will have and weddings and parties etc. This is for life not just for summer. I am not going to stress out about it anymore. I am going to take one day and one week at a time. I also have to accept that life will get in the way sometimes, like last week when I fell sick. I do not have control over that and it will effect the scale. I just have to accept that.

I want to lose this weight so I can gain my confidence back. I sometimes get really paranoid that people are looking at me and thinking 'wow she's fat'. I also find myself holding back in work because I lack confidence.

I want to be so much more than just a pretty face. I have had people tell me I have gorgeous blue eyes. I want the body to go with those eyes. I want to be the girl that guys stare at when you walk down the road. I want people to be envious of my body rather than me always being envious of them.

I want to be able to wear skinny jeans. I love looking at net-a-porter.com and dreaming about the clothes I can never wear. I would love to wear heels with jeans or dresses without thick black tights. My poor little feet cannot hold my body weight in heels. I want to be able to order clothes online or just walk in to a shop and buy something without trying it on. A lot of the clothes I have do not fit me properly anymore. I have been reluctant to buy new clothes as I am determined to lose this weight. However that means I am wearing the same type of clothes all the time.

I do not want to have to keep cropping my photos. It is my worse nightmare when someone 'tags' me on Facebook.

I want to be able to do anything I want. I do not want my weight to be a factor in any decision I have to make throughout my life.

I want to be able to go out for dinner with friends or go on holidays without worrying about the weight I will gain. 'Normal weight' people are not immune to putting on a few lbs after a special occasion  The difference is they know when to stop. They go back to eating healthily and exercising after the holiday.

I want to be comfortable around boys. I am 23 years of age and I should be out in bars chatting up guys. I used to, when I originally lost the weight. Now I am just the fat girl who loves to dance with her friends on the dance floor.

I have realised that I have a long way to go. The 45.5 lbs I have to lose will not be lost within the 13 weeks before my holidays. I can still aim for the 21 lb goal I set for the summer. A lot of people think it is easier to lose weight if you have lost it before. Maybe that is true for some but for me. I think it is harder. I got a taste of what skinny feels like. I was in denial about how much weight I had put back on. I could feel my clothes getting tighter. I just thought it was more water retention gain and those few lbs will be easy to lose. I came to the conclusion that I have to forget about what I lost before. I need to focus on the here and the now.

The here and the now is to focus on a 1.5 lb loss at my next WI on Wednesday. It is a very hard WI to predict as there are so many variables to consider. I was sick last week and that played a part in my 2.5 lb gain last Tuesday (as well as the 3 days of eating crap). I am just coming off the medication I was on. The medication causes bloating and increased appetite. I also had my TOTM this week so that played a role in my gain as well. I have started exercising again. Exercise can really affect my WIs. Sometimes even when I exercise loads and I stick to the plan, I only see a small loss. I am also sitting in the airport, at the moment, waiting for a flight to London. I am going for the night. I have a plan in place to minimise the damage, but who knows what will happen once I am over there. That may seem like a load of excuses, but it does show how the unexpected and life can sometimes affect you best intentions.

I have also set myself some other goals. For this week my goal is to exercise at least three times a week.

What ever happens at my WI, happens. I am slowly getting into the right frame of mind. My aim now is to get a regular and consistent loss every week. It does not matter if it is big or small as long as the scales are moving in the right direction.

Here is to reaching goal in 2013!

Post Easter WI

I normally WI on a Thursday but after checking my own scales this morning, I was considering missing my WI this week. I could come up with every excuse in the book (TOTM, being sick, on meds, messed up appetite) but the truth is I could have had better control over the weekend. It started with alcohol on Thursday, followed by hangover food on Friday, lunch with the girls and dinner out on Saturday, Easter eggs and roast dinner with the trimmings on Sunday. No-one or nothing is to blame for that except me.

I do feel guilty especially as I had finally got my motivation back. One thing I realised is that life is going to get in the way at times. After having conflicted emotions about whether to WI this week or not, I decided to go and get it over with this evening. I was up 2.5 lbs. Not my finest moment but I am so glad that I did it. Whether I weighed in or not this week, that gain would still be there. I would still have to battle to lose it for next week. However while I would love the whole 2.5 lbs gone by next week, even if is not, I should still see a loss next week.

It can be so easy to gain weight but it is harder to lose it. You may be lucky to lose the weight you gained and more within the space of a week, unfortunately I am not one of those people. No matter how hard I worked this week, I still would have seen a gain next week, albeit smaller. That can lead to a vicious cycle. You can get demotivated seeing a gain after having a really good week. You can forget the reason for the gain is a previous bad week catching up with you. This can lead you to have a bad day which can lead to another bad week and the cycle begins again. This is why it is so important to go to your WI. You never know you may just see a STS or a loss.

Am I glad I went? Yes. Am I disappointed with the gain? Of course. However the only thing a gain does is set your goal back a week. That will happen whether you weigh in or not. Missing your weigh in can lead to a lot worse.

Uh Oh!

My well intended plans for this weekend were thrown out the window by Friday night. Thursday's, Friday's and Saturday's binges were unnecessary and more so boredom eating. Yesterday was a more relaxing, enjoyable day with family so I do not feel too guilty. I had a Galaxy egg and then my Mum's home cooked lamb roast dinner with all the trimmings. It was delicious and I have discovered a new favourite, Colcannon mash! It was gorgeous and I am not even a fan of cabbage. My Mum made it with kale.
This morning I woke up feeling bloated and guilty after my gluttonous weekend. My TOTM is due so that is not helping. I am doing a 5:2 day today to help with the bloating.

Today is the 1st of April, exactly three months until I go on holidays. 21 lbs is reasonable by then right? I was doing some browsing this morning and I came across a thread on weightwatchers.com, titled 'Binge Enders Challenge'. It is based on the theory that it take 21 days to break habits and form new ones. My challenge for the month of April is to eliminate binges. I am going to start by not planning any treats but if during the day I crave then I will allow myself a treat that is tracked and pointed for. I think it is going to be a trial and error challenge. I need to start recording triggers. One trigger I have noticed is when I am alone, I get bored or I feel sorry for myself so I head to the shop. I am going to take it a day at a time. I am also going to stop fretting about my weekly WIs and focus on the overall results every month.
It is 13 weeks until 1st July so that is an average of a 1.5 lb loss a week. I need to rein in the binging in order to achieve this. I seem to be a broken record on this issue but I think it is better to keep trying than to give up altogether.

I am also going to start a fitness challenge this month. I am a big fan of Jillian Michaels DVDs. I know they have worked for me before so I just need to get up and actually do the workouts. I already have her 30 Day Shred, Ripped in 30 and Killer Buns and Thighs DVD. .I ordered this boxset http://www.amazon.co.uk/Jillian-Michaels-The-Collection-DVD/dp/B005ZCAZIK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1364820212&sr=8-1 last night. My plan is to start with the 30 Day Shred today and do it alongside Banish Fat Boost Metabolism and No More Trouble Zones. I will do a separate post where you can follow my fitness challenge.

While I was browsing, I also came across a post on another blog, The Nip Tuck Food Blog, that mentioned a few things that hit home with me. The first was about eating foods that you like and are healthy in a general sense and not just because they are low in propoints. I have been trying to do this over the past few weeks and I have discovered some amazing foods. My favourite is a home made steak sandwich or poached egg and smoked salmon. By reducing the amount of junk you eat and by focusing more on healthy meals and not stressing too much over points, you can discover some amazing recipes and you are less likely to get bored. I cannot wait to have Colcannon mash again but with bacon this time. I have also found that while I cooked nice meals before, my portion sizes are tiny because I am restricted by points either due to junk food or empty low pointed foods. So I am going to focus on eating more healthier and balanced meals and not going hungry.

Another thing that I could relate to from Nip Tucks post, was about friends and being 'the fat one'. The majority of my friends are extremely supportive of my weight loss journey. If I decide not to drink on a night out, they know why and do not question it. They do not see me as being fat, they see me for me. There is however one friend who is very skinny herself and is constantly going on about how fat she is. It really annoys me and she will keep saying it until I say something like 'obviously your legs are not fat, they are slimmer than my arms'. Awful I know but it is the only thing that will make her stop and every time I come away feeling bad about my weight. Now it is not just me she does this to and I do understand that weight is relative. However she acts like a teenager and does it for attention and for the comments. I have talked to some of my friends about it. I have decided that I am not going to talk about weight with her anymore. I am just going to ignore her or change the subject. This may seem harsh but I need to put myself first in this situation.

That was a bit of an Easter Monday rant but I am glad I got it off my chest. After all, that is why I am doing this blog, to document my journey and feelings. 21 lbs to summer....here it goes!!

Tips to Limit the Damage at WI

This time of year can be a nightmare for WW. We have had Valentines Day, Mothers Day, Paddys Day, Easter, bank holidays, Fathers Day all in the space of a few weeks. Not to mention it is Communion and Confirmation season as well. Before we know it we are into Summer and for the lucky people, this means holidays. Who knows what the weather will be like but even if the slightest ray breaks through the clouds that will mean BBQs and beer gardens.
What does all this mean for WW? It can mean gaining a stone if we are not careful. Some people will say you cannot let WW rule your life. On the other hand, I remember seeing this phrase at a meeting once, 'you must give up the life you have to get the life you want'. These are at different ends of the advice spectrum but I believe that it is about finding a balance somewhere in the middle.
So you have had a bad weekend and your WI is coming up either on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. Here is what not to do. DO NOT SKIP YOUR WI! That is the worse thing you can do. Weight loss is not linear. If you had a perfect week before your bad weekend, then that good week may just show up on the scales. Alternatively, you could get lucky and stay the same. Or the worse happens and you gain.
If you skip your WI, your bad weekend may still cause a gain the following week, no matter how good you are. This will only demotivate you and could lead to you giving up or going on a weeks binge. If you WI as normal, straight after your bad weekend, then if you are up you are up. You can draw a line under it and focus on losing for your next WI. At least then you do not have to fear your bad weekend catching up on you the following week and you will most likely see a loss.
Leaders are human themselves. They know that you have lives to live and that it is unrealistic to have constant losses week in week out. If you fear weighing in with your leader, if possible find another class. If you really do not want to WI then you can still attend your meeting, free of charge. I would definitely recommend attending as it will set you in the right frame of mind for a new week.

I have been gathering tips on how to limit the damage prior to a WI. These are not infallible and are not recommended by WW. They are just tips I have picked up from various sources.

1. Increase your exercise and water intake (obvious I know!)

2. Try a 5:2 day. I will do a blog about this in more detail at a later stage as I will be giving it a go next week. It involves eating 500 calories 2 days a week and normally for 5 days. If you are following WW, then on a normal day you would stick to your daily allowance. It could be an option to do a day or two before your WI if you have had a bad weekend.

3. Reduce your dailies to 26 propoints. If you are on 26 propoints, this is not an option for you as 26 is the minimum points that you can consume. If you are on a high number of points, I would not recommend dropping to 26 propoints. Instead you should cut your intake by about 4 propoints. It is important to note that this is not a sustainable plan and should only be used every so often. If you use this regularly, your weight loss will eventually plateau.

4. Low carb, high protein and veg meals. Consider having meals such as grilled chicken and roasted veg. Zero point soups can be a life saver in this situation as well.

5. Goes without saying but avoid all junk food, fizzy drinks etc until after your WI.

6. Technically on the ProPoints plan you cannot save your daily points and carry them over. However if you are really stuck then it is an option. At the end of the week you will still have consumed the same amount of points (calories) and this is what matters. It is not a sustainable plan and it is only recommended as a last resort.

7. Detox. There are all forms of detox methods out there. Some people say that detox is a myth, unnecessary and does not work. I personally have never done one so I cannot comment either way. Google is your best friend for information on detox diets. For a more simplified 'detoxing', hot water with lemon or green tea are said to be good aids.

8. Avoid salty foods and excess salt. Salt can lead to water retention which may be a factor in your result on the scale.

If you plan in advance and you are clever with your planning, then you should not find yourself fearing your next WI. If you do then you have to ask yourself the question, was it worth it? If the answer is yes, then smile at the memories and move on. Go and weigh in. Take whatever the scale says and look forward to your next WI. If the answer was no, it was not worth it, then you need to decide if the life you are currently living is more important than the life you want. If come Monday morning you are regretting the weekend you had, then you need to take measures to plan and be more careful with your food and alcohol intake.
Everyone's life is different. Our weight loss journey is personal to us. No-one can do it for us and no-one can make our decisions for us. I'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes, 'nothing tastes as good as skinny jeans feel' Jillian Michaels, The Biggest Loser US trainer.

My Weight Loss Journey

Hi, my name is Éabha and I thought I would start a blog to document my weight loss journey. I am 23 years old and like most young women I have the same self-images that come with today’s society. This is more for me, kind of like a diary, but I hope that I can help and encourage others. 

My journey is has not been an easy one. I started to gain weight in school, around 3rd/4th year. I used to be very sporty, training nearly everyday, sometimes twice a day. I went from being very active to plonking myself in front of the TV. Added to that I started eating 4/5 bars of chocolate a day. Not to mention pizzas and take-away at the weekend. I was unhappy with my life. I did not have many friends in school. Making friends was a difficult thing for me. When most people my age were out at the cinema on a Friday evening, I was at home eating and watching TV. I thought this was going to be my future. 

During 5th/6th year my life began to change. I began to make friends in school and I started to go out with these friends at weekends. The only problem was my bad habits had already cemented themselves in my life. So while I sorted out the social aspect of my life, I still gained weight. Every weekend we went out and I always dreaded having to decide what to wear. I wore jeans and baggy tops. Anyone who has been overweight can probably relate to this. I was jealous of the girls wearing pretty dresses. Every night in the night club I would make a vow to start a diet the next day. Of course that never happened. All my friends looked stunning and loved going out and chatting to boys. I used the excuse of just loving being with the girls to avoid the boy issue. The truth was I was too insecure to go near a guy and I believed I guy would never want me as I was too fat. 

Then came the dreaded leaving cert and along with it my heaviest weight. I peaked the scales at 15 stone. I started to get stretch marks on my stomach, big horrible purple ones. I remember being terrified of them as I did not know what they were. I had to google to find out what they were. Needless to say I was mortified when I found out the truth. 

My debs was looming and I was dreading having to go dress shopping. I did not believe that any shop would have a dress that would fit me so I looked into having a dress made. It cost a fortune but I thought it was my only choice. I wanted to look good on the night so I started an exercise regime. I started going for walks with my friend. A big achievement was that I started going swimming. This was a huge deal for me as anyone who has been overweight will know the fear of wearing a swimming suit! This all may sound like I'm making positive changes but my diet was still the same. Also being honest the exercise was not intense and certainly not intense enough to lose weight.

Debs came and went. I started college being the fattest in the class. I hated going shopping. I wore the same clothes all the time (well the same type of clothes!). 

I then went through the stage of crash diets. I even tried celebrity slim. Let’s just say that was a big mistake both financially and health wise. Of course it was never going to work, I was eating chemicals!

It got worse than Celebrity Slim. I went to the doctor and asked him to put me on glucophage tablets. I had heard that they can help you lose weight. They are primarily a diabetes tablet and certainly not an approved weight loss tablet. I was shocked that the doctor agreed to prescribe them to me. I lost half a stone on them. Was it worth it? Yes and no. I lost my first half a stone on them. However I felt weak. I felt dizzy. I even fainted while out for a walk with a friend. Granted it was a longer walk than normal but still. I was so embarrassed. She offered to bring me home but I already felt bad about what had happened that I walked home myself. Needless to say I came off them there and then. Never again!

While I did not hate my life, I was not completely happy. Proper change needed to happen but for some reason I could not make myself do this. Yet another shopping trip came with being frustrated and in near tears. I remember coming home from the shopping centre, stopping off at the shop for junk and thinking to myself I need to do something. I thought of joining weight watchers (WW). You are probably not going to believe what happened next but I went to work that night and a colleague said she joined WW last week and that I should come with her. Most people may take offense at being asked to join a weight loss class but for me it was such a huge relief. It was what I needed to gain control of my life back.

So that Wednesday down I went. I was terrified as I thought I would be weighed in, in front of everyone. Of course that is not how it works and to make matters even better the leader could not have been nicer. She understood that I was a young student and that I still had a life to live. She told me to focus on my weight loss over a four week period rather than on a week to week basis.

Joining WW was the best decision I ever made. It changed my life. I started to become more confident in myself. I could finally wear dresses and nice clothes. I LOVED going shopping now. People were paying me compliments and it felt great. I started to be more confident around boys. I was gaining my life back. I was doing really well in college. I had a great group of friends.

For a person trying to lose weight, the worse happened. I hit the dreaded plateau. My lowest was 11st 9.5lbs. I started to gain and lose the same few lbs over and over again. I was always around 11st 11lbs. I made the decision to stop going to WW. It was a waste of money as I was not losing any more. Later you will find out why this was a big mistake. I stayed in and around this weight reaching about 12st 2lbs at one point.

I was going on holidays with college friends. This meant bikinis! I wanted to lose the rest of the weight but the scales would not move. I was exercising rigorously doing work out DVDs at least once a day, sometimes twice or three times. I was losing inches. On one count I had lost 16 inches in about eight weeks. I was confident enough to wear a bikini well at least the top part. I still wore shorts on bottom as I wasn’t confident with my bum. This was a huge achievement for me as I never thought I would get to this point. Not only did I get to wear a bikini, I also wore shorts for the first time since I gained the weight and I wore dresses without tights. This was a big deal for me as I never wore a dress without tights. In case you haven’t guessed it yet, my legs are my worse feature. I would have what I describe tree trunk thighs full of cellulite. I remember that first night on holidays. I was so scared leaving my room with no tights. The girls were so encouraging but I still had to face the lads. I walked into the room and of course no-one even looked at me or cared. I mean they did not give my legs a second thought, not that they did not care about me! That was what I needed to just relax and enjoy my holiday.

So where did it all go wrong?

I came home from holidays and the first thing I did was head straight to the shop and I brought a box of Pringles, a big bag of Malteasers and Minstrels. I came home and binged. Why? I think it was because I felt I had deprived myself prior to the holiday. This was my post holiday treat. The funny thing is I had eaten badly while on holiday. Not to mention the alcohol. All of this and I only gained HALF A POUND after my holiday. Why I felt the need for that post-holiday binge I will never know.

Of course one binge led to another and another and another. I slowly started to put the weight back on. Actually that is a lie. I quickly put the weight back on. I became uncomfortable in my clothes. I went to London a few weeks after my sun holiday and I look back at those photos and cringe. A dress I wore on my sun holiday only a few weeks earlier looked terrible on me. It didn’t fit me anymore. I did not wear tights in London but I should have. My legs looked awful even though they looked fine when I was on holidays. I was disgusted with myself. Did I make a change? Of course not. I continued to sabotage my hard work. I felt ashamed of my weight. All my gorgeous clothes I had bought no longer fitted. I went back to wearing the same clothes all the time. Yet I was still binging.

I was eating pizza, McDonalds, share size bags of Malteasers, Minstrels and Haribo. I was gorging on 4 Mars bars and 4 cup cakes. This could all be within one sitting. I was literally a pig.

I remember vaguely discussing my weight gain with my Mum and my younger brother and I asked them did it look like I had gained weight. Their answer was yes. I was not sure what I expected them to answer but it still hurt. They were not being mean but honest. They know about my weight struggles and are really supportive of me losing it. However their answer still did not make me stop eating. All this time I was still attempting to follow WW. It could go one perfect week followed by one bad week. Or a perfect day followed by a bad evening. Either was I was doing it half arsed and not going anywhere.

Before I started college, I turned to a friend and said I will lose the weight before I start. I now found myself saying that I will lose the weight before I start work. I bought loads of clothes for starting work. As I write this, I still have not worn some of those gorgeous clothes as they do not fit. I am short on work clothes as only some of them fit comfortably. I feel like I am wearing the same clothes over and over. I am longing for the day that I can wear them all proudly.

Christmas 2012 was coming up, nearly 2 and half years after I joined WW for the first time. I had attempted to do WW at home but to no avail. Ironically the reason I said I would not rejoin was because of the money but yet I was spending a fortune on junk food. Two weeks before Christmas I made the decision to rejoin. You must think I was mad but it made sense in my head. If I started now I could control myself over the holidays. My first Christmas doing WW, in 2010, I lost 5lbs at the first WI back after Christmas. I wanted to repeat that. Of course things never go to plan and instead I gained 3.5lbs. Not too bad considering. One cause of this was alcohol. I was out a lot and I was then having hung-over binges. I needed to limit the alcohol intake.

Turns out that was the least of my worries. I could not get back into WW mode after Christmas. I was bingeing again. Miraculously I still lost. It was small losses but over 4 weeks I regularly lost weight. Then came a particularly bad binge week which was so bad I decided I could not face my WI. I put it behind me and I went on to have a perfect week. I started exercising again and I was tracking and pointing. I am not sure what I was expecting at the next WI, perhaps a stay the same, but I gained one and a half pounds. I felt embarrassed, upset and just really down. I had had a perfect week and this was the result? It didn’t make sense to me. Of course, though, it was the right result. It was the weeks of bingeing catching up with me. It is exactly what I deserved. It was also the wake-up call I needed. Or so I thought. That evening after my WI I binged. The next day I binged. Thursday came and the same thing. Friday I was still bingeing. I was a mess.

I was not happy with my leader. While she was lovely and very motivating, her meetings were not the best. She tends to go ramble on about irrelevant stuff and always rushed the important things. I was recommended another leader and I made the decision to switch. When I switched, I also rejoined with a brand new card. When I had rejoined before, I used my old card and as a result my starting weight was my original weight. This was very annoying and de-motivating when it came to setting goals. With a new leader and a fresh card, I felt like I was heading in the right direction. I love my new leader. Her meetings are really informative and I always leave in a great mood. She mentioned in one meeting about people being stuck in a rut. She talked about how you could attend a meeting for months and either lose slowly, stay the same or yoyo. She said there was nothing wrong with this as it is better than gaining. Eventually one day the switch will go on in your head. This happened to me last Saturday. I realised the reason I was struggling was because I was depressed about my weight gain. I was letting it control my life. I was stressed about going out and what I would wear that I would end up not going out. Instead I would stay at home and binge. I realised that I have to accept that I have regained the weight. I need to find clothes that fit me properly. I need to take it each week at a time. I have to forget about trying to lose the weight for certain events as it is unrealistic and it is only causing me to fall off track.

My good intentions ended up getting derailed today after a visit to the doctors. However my reaction to it was completely different to what it could have been last week. Yes I slipped up. I did not get depressed over it. Instead I went a made a gorgeous homemade soup and I went to the shop to get supplies for the rest of the week. I have my third WI on Thursday since rejoining. So far I am down 2lbs. 2lbs in two WIs is not bad. I would like to have lost more but after Paddy’s weekend I will take it. This week I have not decided if I am going to WI due to the antibiotics. I will still go to my meeting though. My leader mentioned last week that if we do not feel in a good place to WI then we should still go to the meeting. It does not cost anything and it will help you get in the right frame of mind. I feel this is important as if you do not go to a meeting it can lead to a second bad week.

I am feeling much more positive. I know I can do this if I take it slowly. Here is to 2013 and the year of finally getting the weight off!