Why I Want to Lose Weight

Yesterday I was feeling exhausted.. I lost the motivation I had during the week. Tiredness is a binge trigger for me. Along with all those emotions, I was also feeling down about how I am running out of time to lose the weight before the summer. It was then that something clicked. This is how I was feeling this time last year. Holidays were coming up so I went on a strict WW and exercise regime. I got really stressed out about it. What happened when I got home from my holidays? I put all the weight back on. I felt I had deprived myself those few months prior.
I need to lose this weight, not for this holiday coming up, but for all the other holidays I will have and weddings and parties etc. This is for life not just for summer. I am not going to stress out about it anymore. I am going to take one day and one week at a time. I also have to accept that life will get in the way sometimes, like last week when I fell sick. I do not have control over that and it will effect the scale. I just have to accept that.

I want to lose this weight so I can gain my confidence back. I sometimes get really paranoid that people are looking at me and thinking 'wow she's fat'. I also find myself holding back in work because I lack confidence.

I want to be so much more than just a pretty face. I have had people tell me I have gorgeous blue eyes. I want the body to go with those eyes. I want to be the girl that guys stare at when you walk down the road. I want people to be envious of my body rather than me always being envious of them.

I want to be able to wear skinny jeans. I love looking at net-a-porter.com and dreaming about the clothes I can never wear. I would love to wear heels with jeans or dresses without thick black tights. My poor little feet cannot hold my body weight in heels. I want to be able to order clothes online or just walk in to a shop and buy something without trying it on. A lot of the clothes I have do not fit me properly anymore. I have been reluctant to buy new clothes as I am determined to lose this weight. However that means I am wearing the same type of clothes all the time.

I do not want to have to keep cropping my photos. It is my worse nightmare when someone 'tags' me on Facebook.

I want to be able to do anything I want. I do not want my weight to be a factor in any decision I have to make throughout my life.

I want to be able to go out for dinner with friends or go on holidays without worrying about the weight I will gain. 'Normal weight' people are not immune to putting on a few lbs after a special occasion  The difference is they know when to stop. They go back to eating healthily and exercising after the holiday.

I want to be comfortable around boys. I am 23 years of age and I should be out in bars chatting up guys. I used to, when I originally lost the weight. Now I am just the fat girl who loves to dance with her friends on the dance floor.

I have realised that I have a long way to go. The 45.5 lbs I have to lose will not be lost within the 13 weeks before my holidays. I can still aim for the 21 lb goal I set for the summer. A lot of people think it is easier to lose weight if you have lost it before. Maybe that is true for some but for me. I think it is harder. I got a taste of what skinny feels like. I was in denial about how much weight I had put back on. I could feel my clothes getting tighter. I just thought it was more water retention gain and those few lbs will be easy to lose. I came to the conclusion that I have to forget about what I lost before. I need to focus on the here and the now.

The here and the now is to focus on a 1.5 lb loss at my next WI on Wednesday. It is a very hard WI to predict as there are so many variables to consider. I was sick last week and that played a part in my 2.5 lb gain last Tuesday (as well as the 3 days of eating crap). I am just coming off the medication I was on. The medication causes bloating and increased appetite. I also had my TOTM this week so that played a role in my gain as well. I have started exercising again. Exercise can really affect my WIs. Sometimes even when I exercise loads and I stick to the plan, I only see a small loss. I am also sitting in the airport, at the moment, waiting for a flight to London. I am going for the night. I have a plan in place to minimise the damage, but who knows what will happen once I am over there. That may seem like a load of excuses, but it does show how the unexpected and life can sometimes affect you best intentions.

I have also set myself some other goals. For this week my goal is to exercise at least three times a week.

What ever happens at my WI, happens. I am slowly getting into the right frame of mind. My aim now is to get a regular and consistent loss every week. It does not matter if it is big or small as long as the scales are moving in the right direction.

Here is to reaching goal in 2013!